It was T.D.’s 19th birthday party. We were drunk virgins and I was sick of waiting for him to make the first move. I wanted him to be “the one” more than anything at the time. I knew that he was uncircumcised so I asked him to show me what it looked like. He waved the “let’s go” flag, grabbed me and we locked ourselves in the bedroom. He proceeded to show me the business. I looked at him, he looked at me… I went to make my move when he pushed me away and said “We’re just friends, right?” So I was trying to work through being rejected (and staring at my first penis) and went to tell him that I really liked him when he started crying about how much he loved his mom. The bawling was so loud that our mutual friend had to come in and console T.D. with “it’s okay, man. Your mom's great.” With his raging-semi shlong hanging part way out of his jeans. Last I heard he "had his heart broken by a stripper" and spent some time in jail. He may have just delivered your pizza.

Tricia was her name. She is my mother. My parents separated on 11 September 2001. My father blamed it on her alcoholism and cheatin' heart. Even though I didn't want to admit it, I knew they were unhappy. My little sister and I were to live with my dad. Tricia was to go off to my grandparent's house until she could get a place of her own. Fast forward three or so months of akward every other weekend vistits, Tricia rolled her little Ford Espire over. Everyone in the small town where she lived was shocked that it was due to alchol. My grandfather kicked her out and told her that she had to go to rehab. She went to a rehab center about an two hours away from where I live. My little sister and I visited every other weekend with the supervision of the counslors there. I hated my mother for making me visit her here. I hated how she made cry myself to sleep. At eleven, a girl needs her mother. During that time, I was rasing my sister with the help of my father. Tricia would pop up every two or three months with a letter or phone call. During one of the first days of summer after my seventh grade year, she called. I remeber cursing at her trying to figure out why she was calling me. Tears were rolling down my face faster and faster. My dad told me to go to my room. I did. I closed the door behind me and all I hear are screams from my father. I decided to call my grandfather. That event changed me and within a few weeks, I decided that she was no longer going to make me cry. It took me a while to get over the whole ordeal but, I feel stronger because of it.

Tiffany. We were fairly good friends for a few years in elementary school, but when highschool hit she started calling to hang out with her every day. It wasn't until years and years later after talking to other people who knew her did I realize she didn't have any other remotely close friends before me. Throughout our friendship she got progressively sluttier and used more drugs and heavier drugs. She also weighed about 250lbs when we first started hanging out, but mysteriously lost all the weight (I suspect it had to do with her drug use) and could never shut up about it. She would constantly transparently try to make me feel bad and fish for compliments by obviously sucking in what little stomach she had and asking if she looked fat. She would also force me to answer questions about whether or not she was fatter than women on the street (she would usually pick very fat women to ask about) and would not let up until I answered that she was skinnier. Her world revolved solely around her, and long past any stage of acceptability she would build up "relationships" with pervy older guys who she met online and met up with for no-strings sex, and she would never stop talking about these "relationships." Over the years she alienated me from my other friends by spreading rumours (again, that I would only realize years later had been started by her) about things I had done or how I supposedly felt about these people. The story ends when I had my 19th birthday party and just about burst into tears at how sad my life looked at that moment. She showed up with some drug addict who looked about ten years older than him, smashed a beer bottle on my walkway and tried to have sex with him in my bathroom. I sent her home, told her we were through on the phone the next day, and spent an entire year trying to distance myself from her.From what I hear, she never ended up getting her high school diploma, has "meth-face," and was arrested for having sex with a trucker at a rest stop. I can only hope all of it is true.

I don't remember his name (thank God). He was a friend of a friend who seemed fine in mixed company, but when I started spending time alone with him he got...creepy. Strike that, he was batshit insane.

He was paranoid and hateful. He thought his parents, his neighbors, the cops etc. were out to get him. He made crass sex jokes even after I asked him to stop. He excused his hatred of all religions by saying a Catholic nut-job burnt his girlfriend to death in the park, and his homophobia by saying he was molested when he was four. I believe neither story.

He refused to drink soda because he said it depletes calcium from your bones, but would smoke a pack a day because he planed to die by age 23 anyway. He blamed his stench on his pet turtle and made plans on how to kill it. He would talk repeatedly about forbidden "shadowcraft" moves that could kill a man with one blow, or how to evade the cops by "going all stealth". His favorite words were "sketch", "sketchball", and "crackhead" and he would use them to describe anyone who didn't like him. He claimed to have friends out side of school I never saw.

When I deliberately avoided him, he came looking for me. While waiting for him to realize he wasn't welcome around me without pushing him into rage, I wrote cathartic, thinly veiled hate stories about him for my English class. He eventually stopped searching for me at lunch and I didn't see him again. It was a breath of fresh air. I sort of hope he did join the army like he planed to and met his death goal early. Bastard.

Did I mention that our mutual friend once to set us up together? At first all our friends thought we'd make a great couple. The mind boggles.

Fleischmann was a guy I dated briefly only because he was the poor man's look-a-like to my previous boyfriend who dumped me. He looked good on paper: he had a car, didn't live at home with his parents, and had a job. The real story was that he was a massive stoner and his car and rented room looked like it was inhabited by pack rat homeless people. I dumped him for his weed consumption and somehow he came back two months later. He said he was getting help and talking to a therapist and I went along with it. He was in hisl ate 20's and had only been with one woman in his whole life. At first, it was endearing and I felt sort of bad for him. Then after I slept with him for the first time, he informed he wasn't into it because he was addicted to porn and had an unhealthy view of what turned him on. I was overweight and pissed off that he felt the need to tell me this AFTER we had sex! We met at a club for fat chicks which he went to all the time because he was desperate. I threatened to tell everyone at the bar about him and his tiny ding dong.The funny thing is that he has a friend who works with me. Sometimes she mentions his name and that when he's in town, he has the urge to stop by my place to see how I'm doing. What a fuck-nut!

Lucy was a flatmate who took an instant dislike to me despite my best efforts to be nice to her. She would mutter insults under her breath just loud enough for me to be able to hear, but not quite loud enough for me to know if she'd meant me to hear it, or was just thinking out loud.

Marc. he was my boyfriend for about a month before he told me he had to go out of town to work undercover (he was a cop). he left in the beginning of january of last year and we talked every day. the middle of january he said he wasn't allowed to call me anymore, so we emailed everyday. the beginning of february the emails because less to none. i got a clue...finally. i will probably run into him one day while he's out with his wife and 4 kids.