Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Phil. We met through a mutual high school friend. After college, and into our twenties, we became the best of friends. We saw each other often and talked on the phone. He was always involved in dysfunctional relationships, including a 16 year old girl that he started seeing when he was in his late 20s. He bought her breast implants and she dumped him shortly thereafter - he never even got to see his $3,000 investment. He also had several girlfriends that always cheated on him - he cheated on them too.
The last girl he met, he married. The first, and only time, I ever met her was about a year before 9/11. Phil and I were going to LA to see a concert, and he had just started dating her. She came to the gate with him and sat there for about 15 minutes before we boarded. I didn’t really say much to her, because I had just met her and figured she was the latest temporary girlfriend of his. I wasn’t rude to her, I just didn’t really spend much time talking to her. Phil eventually lost his job and moved in with her. Then, he moved across the country with her and went to graduate school. He also married her at some point. During the four years between my first meeting her and the last time I spoke with him, we met up in three different states to either have dinner or see concerts. He was secretive, but friendly. He came back home a few years ago to look for a job because he was graduating, and we had lunch. He said we would get together later in the week but called and cancelled.
I tried to call him a couple months later and his phone had been disconnected. I tried his cell and the number was inactive. A couple of years passed and I was talking to the mutual friend that originally introduced us. Phil had gone to Oregon for a work related conference and asked our mutual friend if he could stay with him. Never mind that he hadn’t spoken to the guy for several years prior or since. They went golfing and when the mutual friend brought my name up, Phil launched into a story about how I “disrespected” his wife and he had nothing good to say about me. Keep in mind, I had met her one time and in the four ensuing years, Phil and I had met up in whatever state he was living in whenever I happened to be in town. He had let me winter my motorcycle in his garage before he moved. He had called me when he had his first kid and had invited me over to his parents for Christmas when he would come home for the holidays.
For a while I wondered how I disrespected a woman I had only met once, and why, if I had behaved so egregiously, he maintained a friendship with me for several years thereafter. But Phil was always a follower. I think he married a mentally abusive control freak that was threatened by our friendship. Apparently, based on what our mutual friend told me, she lets him go golfing on Saturdays with some old friends from high school, and that’s the only time he goes out without her.
He moved back to our home town apparently. We live in a big city, but I don’t know what I would say to him if I saw him again. I don’t hate him, but I think he’s a coward for disappearing and going underground. He’s not in the phone book, not on Facebook, he’s all but disappeared. I think he used our mutual friend when he went out to Oregon because he wanted a free place to stay while he was out there - he hasn’t called the guy since. I could probably locate him if I wanted to, but have never felt the need. When I do refer to him, I refer to him as Judas. He was always easily led, even by me, and now he let’s an easily threatened woman control his life. He has two daughters. It would be ironic if someday, men sodomize and use them like he did to all his girlfriends. He’s a weak, easily led eunuch who told a bunch of lies about me to at least one mutual friend.
The last time I got a Christmas card from him, the mailing label listed her name first and his second. She kept her maiden name. Pathetic.


Elle said...


annabanana said...

"I didn’t really say much to her, because I had just met her and figured she was the latest temporary girlfriend of his. I wasn’t rude to her" THIS is disrespct. If someone totally ignored you and concentrated on talking to someone else for 15 minutes, how do you think you would fel?
Your friend sounds like a loser. You're well rid of him.,

purplevening said...

Clearly this women is being controlling, but her name being first on the Christmas card and the fact that she kept her maiden name aren't things that you should be judging her for. It's not as though it's a man's right to come first on the card and keeping her maiden name is something every woman has a right to do.

Laura said...

It is traditional, or at the very least acceptable for the wife's name to come first whenever the two names are written together. Except of course when they are written as "Mr. and Mrs. Whatever" which obviously they wouldn't do since she kept her maiden name (which is okay these days, you know). I'm not saying she isn't controlling, but her name being first on the Christmas card is not an example of that, it is correct.

color doctor said...

If you were so disgusted with his treatment of women before his marriage, why didn't you challenge him on his behavior? It's just this type of dismissive misogyny that goes unchecked and allows the type of over-the-years shallowness of relating that a lot of men think is normal in our culture. Well...after I just typed that out and re-read what I wrote, it IS "normal" relating for straight men but that doesn't mean it's HEALTHY. No wonder you didn't get why he even mentioned anything about how you treated his wife-to-be. It sounds like you probably WERE rude, and also, that he's not someone who can value ANY friendships.