People I No Longer Talk To

2009-09-22T15:07:00.000-07:00

Emma: We were best friends throughout school and beyond, aged 11 through to 23. She ended up in a relationship with a guy who basically kept her captive within her own home. No amount of persuasion would make her leave him. During the time of hardly any communication, I found a great friend, a guy who I was unsure of taking the next step with. He told me he loved me and I told him he was a great friend and I wanted to see where we went. One day, out of the blue, I got a call from Emma. She had ditched the guy and wanted to catch up.I took my male friend with me to the coffee house while we caught up, we ended up being labled the 'terrible threesome' after a while by other friends.One summer we went to a music festival, got very drunk, I woke up the next morning to find Emma and my male friend having sex, right next to me in the tent!!I got up, collected my things and called my mum to come pick me up.I didn't speak to her again until a year later, she was still with my male friend and they had had a baby together. She had pretty much gotten pregnant that first time.I ended up homeless and she offered me a room in their home for a while. In the time that I was there I noticed how upset my male friend was most of the time. He was downright unhappy and I could see why; he worked 12-16hr shifts at an airport that took him 2hrs to get to work in the early hours of the morning. He barely slept, she didn't work at all. She spent all her time sat on her backside watching daytime TV, ignoring her daughter and the mess she created.She barely showered and even ran a comb through her hair. Her excuse for not showering; "I've been running after {name} all day!" I'd tidy around while she sat around. I cooked dinner for her daughter and made sure the home was somewhat presentable for when he came home.On his days off she would make excuses like "have to go see my mother" or "I'm popping into the city for a few hours", leaving him and I at home, these days he cleaned, he cleaned everything, the house gleamed and shone. He did his washing, he played with his daughter, he cooked dinner.Eventually I lost my job and had to leave, moved back in with my mother for a while, we lost contact again.Now, I recieve regular texts from him, asking how I am and we just chat.I feel for him though, she slept with someone else and has now had this guys baby, my friend is raising it as his own as he doesn't want to loose his real daughter.For this...I never want to speak to her again.

2009-09-22T15:00:00.000-07:00

Phil. We met through a mutual high school friend. After college, and into our twenties, we became the best of friends. We saw each other often and talked on the phone. He was always involved in dysfunctional relationships, including a 16 year old girl that he started seeing when he was in his late 20s. He bought her breast implants and she dumped him shortly thereafter - he never even got to see his $3,000 investment. He also had several girlfriends that always cheated on him - he cheated on them too.
The last girl he met, he married. The first, and only time, I ever met her was about a year before 9/11. Phil and I were going to LA to see a concert, and he had just started dating her. She came to the gate with him and sat there for about 15 minutes before we boarded. I didn’t really say much to her, because I had just met her and figured she was the latest temporary girlfriend of his. I wasn’t rude to her, I just didn’t really spend much time talking to her. Phil eventually lost his job and moved in with her. Then, he moved across the country with her and went to graduate school. He also married her at some point. During the four years between my first meeting her and the last time I spoke with him, we met up in three different states to either have dinner or see concerts. He was secretive, but friendly. He came back home a few years ago to look for a job because he was graduating, and we had lunch. He said we would get together later in the week but called and cancelled.
I tried to call him a couple months later and his phone had been disconnected. I tried his cell and the number was inactive. A couple of years passed and I was talking to the mutual friend that originally introduced us. Phil had gone to Oregon for a work related conference and asked our mutual friend if he could stay with him. Never mind that he hadn’t spoken to the guy for several years prior or since. They went golfing and when the mutual friend brought my name up, Phil launched into a story about how I “disrespected” his wife and he had nothing good to say about me. Keep in mind, I had met her one time and in the four ensuing years, Phil and I had met up in whatever state he was living in whenever I happened to be in town. He had let me winter my motorcycle in his garage before he moved. He had called me when he had his first kid and had invited me over to his parents for Christmas when he would come home for the holidays.
For a while I wondered how I disrespected a woman I had only met once, and why, if I had behaved so egregiously, he maintained a friendship with me for several years thereafter. But Phil was always a follower. I think he married a mentally abusive control freak that was threatened by our friendship. Apparently, based on what our mutual friend told me, she lets him go golfing on Saturdays with some old friends from high school, and that’s the only time he goes out without her.
He moved back to our home town apparently. We live in a big city, but I don’t know what I would say to him if I saw him again. I don’t hate him, but I think he’s a coward for disappearing and going underground. He’s not in the phone book, not on Facebook, he’s all but disappeared. I think he used our mutual friend when he went out to Oregon because he wanted a free place to stay while he was out there - he hasn’t called the guy since. I could probably locate him if I wanted to, but have never felt the need. When I do refer to him, I refer to him as Judas. He was always easily led, even by me, and now he let’s an easily threatened woman control his life. He has two daughters. It would be ironic if someday, men sodomize and use them like he did to all his girlfriends. He’s a weak, easily led eunuch who told a bunch of lies about me to at least one mutual friend.
The last time I got a Christmas card from him, the mailing label listed her name first and his second. She kept her maiden name. Pathetic.

2009-09-22T14:58:00.000-07:00

I met Annie one faithful day in high school. A mutual friend had introduced me to this pink haired, carefree girl and I was immediately intrigued by her. We became fast friends and were soon hanging out all the time. Now, during this time, I thrived on the "demons" of life, such as drugs and alcohol. I did everything that I could get my grubby little hands on, and apparently the both of us had this in common. We used to spend countless hours in her room, discussing everything from music to life. Things were great like this for a couple years. Then things changed. I came to pick her up at her house on day and she had obviously been "partying". We walked into the house, only to find that she had left the sink upstairs running for hours, and the entire ceiling above her parents bed had caved in. When her parents got home, they were less than thrilled. One parent had actually punched her in the head. So I told her until the house was fixed that she could live with me. Big mistake. She would get trashed and come back at all hours of the day and night. That is when she would show up at all. Her things were in my house for months before they were finally picked up. I should have seen this as a warning sign, but did not. Our "demon" usage had progressed to near dangerous levels. While I was busying "skiing the snowcaps" Annie had begun "chasing the dragon". When I came to my senses and cleaned myself up, I respectfully bowed out of hanging out with her and her "friends". The last time I heard from her was when I got a call at 2am with her crying and telling me she wanted help. I offered to take her to rehab, and that offer was quickly turned down and replaced with an offer to "party" instead. I politely declined and asked her to never call me again (as I was working through my own issues still at the time). I heard a year or so later that she had burned down her parents house, rumor has it she nodded out with a cigarette. I will never know the real story, I just hope one day she gets her life together. I also hope that her parents finally learned their lesson about letting her live there.

2009-02-20T13:38:00.000-08:00

Renee is the sweetest person - she’s 100% USDA certified organic cane sugar sweet. She looks like a girl in an Urban Outfitters catalog, too. Neither of these reasons is exactly why we no longer talk. In fact, I don’t really know exactly why, except that we haven’t in so long that to do so again would be out of the ordinary. There’d be too much catching up to do, and someone would have to explain the lapse.I met Renee at this Harlem charter school where I used to work. We were both new teachers at the school with only one year of experience under our belts. In the early days of classroom arrangement and teacher orientation, it seemed like we’d be great friends. We liked the same music and shared the same views. The only difference was that Renee was hip in that easy, Cat Power-listening, “I feel so much more centered when I’m vegan,” lush long-haired kind of way. Meanwhile, I had stringy bobbed hair and a hankering for Taco Bell.We worked together for a year, drifting closer or farther in the tide of chaos, field trips, and paperwork. When she broke up with her live-in boyfriend, I was the first person she called. I was in my own floundering relationship at the time. We’d bonded before about guys - how funny and difficult they are, how we worried about our tendency to give them such central places in our lives. I hoped the experience meant we’d be closer friends, but everything pretty much remained the same.Post-breakup Renee was different, though. She said she wanted to go back to school to become a dance therapist. She started dating a hipster with sexual dysfunction. Every conversation was predicated on the fact that her life and goals were nebulous and unfulfilled. Though unintended, the message I took from them was: I am tragically hipper than thou.I quit teaching after that year, desperate to use my brain more than my vocal cords. Renee got a job at a school in her Lower East Side neighborhood. I broke up with my boyfriend after vacillating about it for months. Renee and I talked at least once a week. When we hung out, though, I was always distinctly aware that she was on a schedule and had plans following whatever we did. Some guy friend who had an awkward crush on her had asked her to a movie. Her sister was coming in for a concert. I felt like I was a pitstop on the way to a much cooler destination.The last time we were supposed to hang out, there was a sudden torrential downpour. I didn’t feel like schlepping around in galoshes, but before I could cancel, Renee bailed on me. She said her sister was in town and that they were going to hang out instead. This might be understandable if her sister was unexpectedly visiting from far away. But she lived in New Jersey and visited a few times a month! Why not also invite me, since we already had plans? This wasn’t the first time she’d done something like this, but it was the last.Renee’s voicemail said we should make plans for another time. I never called her back, and she didn’t call me back either. She was the Lower East Side; I was the Upper West. Perhaps we both knew it

2009-02-20T13:34:00.000-08:00

Bethany. I met her at a bar shortly after my wife and I separated, at a meat-market bar whilst I was totally on the rebound. I should have seen it coming. She picked me up by using some not-so subtle lines that I should have listened more closely to. Then, when she decided to tag along with some friends and I later that night, became increasing more confused and less coherent as the night went on. Sadly after not being able to lose her the whole night, she ended up passed out in my bed. The next day I couldn't get rid of her either, but was lonely, so eventually just decided to go along with it. Six months later, she had sucked every dime out of me, as well as my will to live. Any attempts to break up resulted in a breakdown and a revelation with some kind of too dramatic to be true story of pain and suffering. She would CONSTANTLY talk about her recently estranged husband - would even mention him during sex (though any mention of him was in a negative light) - and would just genuinely suck the warmth and light out of any room she entered. She went through several jobs during this time, never staying for very long for being fired for "political reasons". The rest of the time I had to support myself AND her, including her rent, utilities - right down to cat food for her poor cat she never saw since Bethany was always at MY place. I should never have been such a pushover: but after 6 mos, $3000 in loans, a laptop, a trip to Mexico, and more meals than I can count, I finally got rid of her. Until it was time to do her taxes. And again to send me pictures of the fabulous trip to Australia her new boyfriend had taken her on. Sure could use that $3000 dollars right now, you hunchbacked, snaggle-toothed leech!!

2008-12-18T22:06:00.000-08:00

Her name was Maryanne. We met at an open mic night at a crappy bar where we both were playing. She was short, had dreads, and looked a bit like a troll-version of Tracy Chapman. She played a Beach Boys song and we bonded over our mutual love of said group. We would occasionally bump into each other at various dive bars and parties and became casual acquaintances. She had a sketchy look about her and would grit her teeth and make strange facial expressions as she spoke. Eventually she moved into an apartment building across the street from me with her girlfriend. I eventually found out that she was bisexual and a recovering crackhead, and was infamous for crashing parties uninvited, looking for crack. One day she showed up at my house when I wasn't home, visibly intoxicated, and asked my roommate for a pen and paper so she could leave me a "pen message". When I later read it, it was just scribbled gibberish. She then showed up at a mutual friend's place and started acting crazy. After refusing repeated requests to leave, my friend called the police, at which point she pulled out a large kitchen knife and cut the phone cord. My friend managed to escape with her in hot pursuit, and ran to the nearest phone booth and called the police. My friend managed to hold her off until the cops showed up, at which point she refused to drop the knife and was pepper-sprayed. This had no effect and the police were forced to tackle her into submission. I haven't seen her since and I have no idea where she is or what happened to her.

2008-12-11T13:16:00.001-08:00

I met Andrew on my first day of university and we were great friends for seven years. He's a man of firm convictions and strong intellect, and we enjoyed arguing with each other about politics. One of the amazing things about Andrew is that he's only ever mad at one person at a time, but he focuses all his energy on that apathy until someone else makes him mad, then all is well. It's the key to the man, the fact that, once discovered, makes his foul moods bearable: Weather the storm, and he will one day again be your friend. Twice over the years I fell into his dog house, both times when I caught him lying about women he claimed to have been intimate with. Twice we buried the hatchet. Eight months ago Andrew got a real girlfriend, a true and nice and wonderful girl, and I was so happy for him. Then he told me I was too immature to meet her --that I could not be trusted and I would only embarrass him-- and I was devastated. Every one of our conversations after that became an argument, but he no longer respected my views or what I had to say. I kept waiting for his anger to move on to the next person, but it never did. He would go on and on about how I had no friends, when, in fact, he was the one who was drifting out of our social circle. One day, out of the blue, he sent me an e-mail that I couldn't finish reading. It was the ravings of a man insane. I wouldn't send a letter that brutal to anyone. I forwarded it to a couple of our mutual friends, just to show that I wasn't being overly sensitive when I said I'll never speak to him again. Turns out he had spent the last four days bad-mouthing me to my sister over facebook before he worked up the nerve to send his e-mail to me. I thought he'd be an uncle to my children. I thought we'd know each other when we became old and grey. I haven't forwarded that e-mail to his girlfriend. My friends tell me to. My sister tells me to. My mother tells me to. I won't. It's not the mature thing to do. That e-mail is the last words we will ever exchange, and they make him look like an animal. That should be enough for me, but instead it just makes me sad. Goodbye, Andrew.

2008-12-08T22:23:00.002-08:00

My own personal experience with a fucktard is as follows:

My last husband, Mike. He lived in the house I owned for over a year while I supported him. I found out after the fact that on our wedding trip to Vegas he paid a dominatrix to tie him up and whip him while I was back at the hotel, wondering why in the hell my soon-to-be groom didn't want to spend any time with me. Seventeen days after the wedding, he left me and moved in with his ex-girlfriend. A few months after that he moved to Mississippi to be with the father who abandoned him as a young child. I used to blame the dad for abandoned him; now I understand completely. Losing him was the best thing that ever happened to me.

2008-12-08T22:23:00.001-08:00

I knew this girl Kaylie in high school who showed me a picture of the girl she gave birth to WHEN SHE WAS 12. And since the father was only 11, his parents adopted the baby. Anyway, we were friends for awhile. Years later I was in college and looking for a roomate so I could afford to live off campus. Although she was not in college, she had been in touch with me and needed a roomate too. I soon found out she smoked 2 packs a day and had a lot of strange habits. The worst was her sex addiction. She had more than 30 sex partners in the 3 months we lived together. Yes! That included our apartment manager, the schizophrenic man downstairs who was on state disability funding, two brothers in the same night (aged 14 and 16), one of my professors, a few of my friends, and yes, my own boyfriend. All unprotected sex as she told these men she wasn't menstruating and therefore it meant she was unable to get pregnant.(!) Later, a lot of my 'friends' had complained to me that they got crab lice from her. Although I wasn't sleeping around, we lived in a small studio apartment, and I got crab lice too. Sometimes she would bring somebody in and have sex just a few feet away from where I was trying to sleep. She never did pay any rent, but I was just as happy to get the hell out of there and never look back. She wasn't even that pretty.

2008-10-01T15:35:00.000-07:00

It was T.D.’s 19th birthday party. We were drunk virgins and I was sick of waiting for him to make the first move. I wanted him to be “the one” more than anything at the time. I knew that he was uncircumcised so I asked him to show me what it looked like. He waved the “let’s go” flag, grabbed me and we locked ourselves in the bedroom. He proceeded to show me the business. I looked at him, he looked at me… I went to make my move when he pushed me away and said “We’re just friends, right?” So I was trying to work through being rejected (and staring at my first penis) and went to tell him that I really liked him when he started crying about how much he loved his mom. The bawling was so loud that our mutual friend had to come in and console T.D. with “it’s okay, man. Your mom's great.” With his raging-semi shlong hanging part way out of his jeans. Last I heard he "had his heart broken by a stripper" and spent some time in jail. He may have just delivered your pizza.

2008-10-01T15:09:00.000-07:00

Tricia was her name. She is my mother. My parents separated on 11 September 2001. My father blamed it on her alcoholism and cheatin' heart. Even though I didn't want to admit it, I knew they were unhappy. My little sister and I were to live with my dad. Tricia was to go off to my grandparent's house until she could get a place of her own. Fast forward three or so months of akward every other weekend vistits, Tricia rolled her little Ford Espire over. Everyone in the small town where she lived was shocked that it was due to alchol. My grandfather kicked her out and told her that she had to go to rehab. She went to a rehab center about an two hours away from where I live. My little sister and I visited every other weekend with the supervision of the counslors there. I hated my mother for making me visit her here. I hated how she made cry myself to sleep. At eleven, a girl needs her mother. During that time, I was rasing my sister with the help of my father. Tricia would pop up every two or three months with a letter or phone call. During one of the first days of summer after my seventh grade year, she called. I remeber cursing at her trying to figure out why she was calling me. Tears were rolling down my face faster and faster. My dad told me to go to my room. I did. I closed the door behind me and all I hear are screams from my father. I decided to call my grandfather. That event changed me and within a few weeks, I decided that she was no longer going to make me cry. It took me a while to get over the whole ordeal but, I feel stronger because of it.

2008-04-14T22:11:00.000-07:00

Tiffany. We were fairly good friends for a few years in elementary school, but when highschool hit she started calling to hang out with her every day. It wasn't until years and years later after talking to other people who knew her did I realize she didn't have any other remotely close friends before me. Throughout our friendship she got progressively sluttier and used more drugs and heavier drugs. She also weighed about 250lbs when we first started hanging out, but mysteriously lost all the weight (I suspect it had to do with her drug use) and could never shut up about it. She would constantly transparently try to make me feel bad and fish for compliments by obviously sucking in what little stomach she had and asking if she looked fat. She would also force me to answer questions about whether or not she was fatter than women on the street (she would usually pick very fat women to ask about) and would not let up until I answered that she was skinnier. Her world revolved solely around her, and long past any stage of acceptability she would build up "relationships" with pervy older guys who she met online and met up with for no-strings sex, and she would never stop talking about these "relationships." Over the years she alienated me from my other friends by spreading rumours (again, that I would only realize years later had been started by her) about things I had done or how I supposedly felt about these people. The story ends when I had my 19th birthday party and just about burst into tears at how sad my life looked at that moment. She showed up with some drug addict who looked about ten years older than him, smashed a beer bottle on my walkway and tried to have sex with him in my bathroom. I sent her home, told her we were through on the phone the next day, and spent an entire year trying to distance myself from her.From what I hear, she never ended up getting her high school diploma, has "meth-face," and was arrested for having sex with a trucker at a rest stop. I can only hope all of it is true.

2008-02-20T11:37:00.001-08:00

I don't remember his name (thank God). He was a friend of a friend who seemed fine in mixed company, but when I started spending time alone with him he got...creepy. Strike that, he was batshit insane.

He was paranoid and hateful. He thought his parents, his neighbors, the cops etc. were out to get him. He made crass sex jokes even after I asked him to stop. He excused his hatred of all religions by saying a Catholic nut-job burnt his girlfriend to death in the park, and his homophobia by saying he was molested when he was four. I believe neither story.

He refused to drink soda because he said it depletes calcium from your bones, but would smoke a pack a day because he planed to die by age 23 anyway. He blamed his stench on his pet turtle and made plans on how to kill it. He would talk repeatedly about forbidden "shadowcraft" moves that could kill a man with one blow, or how to evade the cops by "going all stealth". His favorite words were "sketch", "sketchball", and "crackhead" and he would use them to describe anyone who didn't like him. He claimed to have friends out side of school I never saw.

When I deliberately avoided him, he came looking for me. While waiting for him to realize he wasn't welcome around me without pushing him into rage, I wrote cathartic, thinly veiled hate stories about him for my English class. He eventually stopped searching for me at lunch and I didn't see him again. It was a breath of fresh air. I sort of hope he did join the army like he planed to and met his death goal early. Bastard.

Did I mention that our mutual friend once to set us up together? At first all our friends thought we'd make a great couple. The mind boggles.

2008-02-19T23:03:00.000-08:00

Fleischmann was a guy I dated briefly only because he was the poor man's look-a-like to my previous boyfriend who dumped me. He looked good on paper: he had a car, didn't live at home with his parents, and had a job. The real story was that he was a massive stoner and his car and rented room looked like it was inhabited by pack rat homeless people. I dumped him for his weed consumption and somehow he came back two months later. He said he was getting help and talking to a therapist and I went along with it. He was in hisl ate 20's and had only been with one woman in his whole life. At first, it was endearing and I felt sort of bad for him. Then after I slept with him for the first time, he informed he wasn't into it because he was addicted to porn and had an unhealthy view of what turned him on. I was overweight and pissed off that he felt the need to tell me this AFTER we had sex! We met at a club for fat chicks which he went to all the time because he was desperate. I threatened to tell everyone at the bar about him and his tiny ding dong.The funny thing is that he has a friend who works with me. Sometimes she mentions his name and that when he's in town, he has the urge to stop by my place to see how I'm doing. What a fuck-nut!

2008-02-07T18:43:00.001-08:00

Lucy was a flatmate who took an instant dislike to me despite my best efforts to be nice to her. She would mutter insults under her breath just loud enough for me to be able to hear, but not quite loud enough for me to know if she'd meant me to hear it, or was just thinking out loud.

2008-02-07T18:40:00.000-08:00

Marc. he was my boyfriend for about a month before he told me he had to go out of town to work undercover (he was a cop). he left in the beginning of january of last year and we talked every day. the middle of january he said he wasn't allowed to call me anymore, so we emailed everyday. the beginning of february the emails because less to none. i got a clue...finally. i will probably run into him one day while he's out with his wife and 4 kids.

2008-02-06T21:46:00.000-08:00

Dana. We took a language class together and she was fun to hang out with. She loaned me the entire series of "Sex in the City" and we'd talk about the show and laugh about life. After a while, I realized that she always put me down in subtle ways. Every time we parted, I felt like I was doing it all wrong. The last time we talked, she said, "I always call you. You never call me. If you want to remain friends, you have to call me and make plans. I'm not going to call you." I agreed, but I never called. After a few months of feeling sort of guilty about it, I realized (like Miranda says in SITC) that I was just not that into her. Andy

2008-01-24T18:41:00.000-08:00

josh, who used to fuck me while i was sleeping. i would wake up and he would be humping my half-conscious body. the last time we 'madeup,' i vowed not sleep with him until i trusted him again. and like clockwork, a few days after our reconciliation and he did it again. i got up the next morning; i took the morning after pill to be sure, and i got rid of him, once and for all. three weeks later, and i just took a positive pregnancy test. the perfect end to the perfect relationship.

2008-01-17T12:34:00.001-08:00

Michelle. I knew this girl in high school but became good (best) friends with her in college. There are MANY reasons why I no longer speak with her, but I will just choose one or two stories. First time I stopped speaking to her was because she didn't show up at her job (that I had gotten FOR her) for three days because her grandfather was "sick." This was always her code for she went on an unexpected last minute vacation. Another time she decided to visit me and help me with my Oscar party. Well, just when preparations we getting hectic she told me she was taking a walk to get some "air" because the kitchen was getting so hot. Two hours later I call her to find her shopping at Macy's on 34th Street.

2008-01-17T12:29:00.000-08:00

Dan. He videotaped us making whoopee without my knowledge. I learned of this tape years later, from a new boyfriend.

2008-01-16T15:22:00.001-08:00

Max. Came dressed to a Halloween party as 'Captain Abortion.' Three of the women at the party had had abortions in the past three years. Nice one, man.

2008-01-16T15:16:00.001-08:00

Tim. We dated briefly when we were in college. I was a virgin at the time and wasn't intending on that changing for him. He was seemingly cool with that until one evening, when he tried to convince me to sleep with him by telling me that he'd read an article in Men's Health that men who don't have regular sex have a higher risk of prostate cancer. "And...well...you know how health-conscious I am."

2008-01-16T15:05:00.000-08:00

Liz. I lived with her for six months when my roommate decided to spend the semester in Australia. I took to calling her The Hoover, because when she ran across an item, she sucked it up; countless pairs of earrings, gift cards, sweaters, and bottles of Gray Goose disappeared into her extra-large maw. When I finally confronted her, she broke down and told me she was pregnant - and that she was going to get rid of it by drinking and doing "a lot" of drugs. It worked. I was never so happy to move out on someone in my life. Sarah

2008-01-16T15:03:00.001-08:00

Got one for you, in haiku form: Girlfriend moved awayOops! Pregnant from secret man. Definition: cunt. If you want a name, it's Jodi, which could be..Jodi moved awayOops! Pregnant from secret man. Definition: cunt. Ben

2008-01-16T14:58:00.000-08:00

Jacqueline. We became roommates in grad school, having met because we were in the same degree program. I spent the summer between the first and second year of grad school in another city, working on an internship. While I was gone, I sent her my rent check every month. When I returned – a few days before classes were to start – she told me she wanted to start living on her own because she needed to work on herself to be “more centered.” She found a new apartment the next day, and I had to scramble to find either a new roommate or a new apartment. But, since the new semester was about to start, everyone I knew already had living arrangements and all the affordable housing was already taken. Over the next week or two, she bugged me every day, asking what I was going to do, because she wanted to give our landlord notice right away since she already knew she was moving out and she didn’t want to get stuck paying rent on two different apartments. In the end, I couldn’t find a new roommate, so I moved into an apartment in a sketchy neighborhood where we had to change the exterior locks because we found a homeless man sleeping in our lobby. We also had to call the cops on my neighbor, because he was beating up his girlfriend. (And this apartment was even more expensive for me because I was now living on my own!) I still had to take classes with her almost every day over the next year, and we even had to work on group projects together.

Sabrina

2008-01-16T14:54:00.000-08:00

We'll call her "B" for Bipolar. I moved into my friend's row house following a break with my now ex-husband. She seemed a bit mentally off, but we nevertheless became fast friends. A week went by, and three guys moved into the house. Ms. B morphed into the devil's right hand in no time. A typical day in her life began with her prancing about the house in something less-than-appropriate to wear among the opposite sex. She'd then go to work to do "graphic design art" at a local screen print shop. She carried with her what I later found out was a bag full of samurai swords. She became angry one night and threw one of her swords into our front door, cracking it down the middle. She'd drink at least a bottle of wine each night, arriving home wasted and most often arm-in-arm with a skeevy male friend. She once brought home a recently-released prisoner, who she left on our back porch to "hang" with us. She frightened everyone in the house pretty quickly, since she tried to sleep with each and every one of us. We all tried to resist B, and were met with various responses. One of our male roommates, for instance, said no to one of her come-ons in our kitchen, was punched in the face, then given a blow-job; right then, right there. She tried to straddle another male roommate at his glass-blowing torch one day and was resisted. She walked into his room that night as he slept, punched him in the balls, then passed out on his floor. She awoke the next morning screaming and punching around, as though confused. She was once kicked out of a local bar. She walked out of the bar, removed her bike tire and threw it into the grill of an oncoming truck, because she was "pissed". Her dog ate various pieces of our furniture while we were at work; the couch, a chair, our clothing-anything, really. She stole all of my winter clothing as she moved out of the house. She was moving away [thank god] with "the man of her dreams", who's girlfriend later contacted us on Myspace to ask who the hell "B" was and why B was trying to get with her boyfriend... Need I say more? Thanks for reading. I wish I was lying to you. Cheers! K.

2007-11-29T23:11:00.000-08:00

Cheryl. After my final semester of college, I had my apartment for three more months until the lease expired. Cheryl was going through a toughtime financially, and I offered her my place for $500 flat, instead oft he $500 for each of the three months that the place was going to cost me. Two days before the lease was up, I showed up to gather the last ofmy stuff, snag the $500, and head off into the sunset. Cheryl wasn't packed, and the entire apartment was caked with what can only bedescribed as cat poophair. Regardless of this, I helped Cheryl pack her shit while her boyfriend slept on the mattress with the cats. During the last trip of moving stuff, I asked about the $500, andCheryl offered to mail it to me. Fine. Wonderful. Sadly, I never sawthat check, and luckily nor have I seen Cheryl or her bastard cats.

2007-11-24T18:18:00.001-08:00

Lorif - a girl who came to visit me in the most expensive city in the world, she stayed with me for free and then complained that she wasted her money calling me from overseas to figure out where I would leave the key for her. Since key exchange was impossible she had to wait all scared in my neighborhood on the doorstep - it is the poshest one in the city and there was a Starbucks across the street. She then went to Paris the next week and stayed in a 5 star hotel!? Ungrateful diva-bitch!

2007-11-24T15:58:00.000-08:00

Rick. A guy I shared a house with when I was a senior in college and he was working (He graduated two years earlier). I worked about 30 hours a week and for about four months, I lent him money for food and his half of utilities while he was looking for a better job. One day, he was opening his mail and looked a little pissed. I asked him what was wrong and he said his mutual funds took a hit. I said, "Hey, I thought you said you were broke?" He said, "I am. I don't count my stocks."

2007-11-20T18:06:00.000-08:00

Kim. A woman I dated for a few months in my senior year of college. When I confronted her with the knowledge that she'd just given me mono, berating her for not telling me she had it, she replied, "But they told me I had herpes, not mono." And then she wondered why I broke up with her.

2007-11-20T09:46:00.000-08:00

Shantra. She was moving and asked to borrow my Toyota 4x4 for the weekend. Friday afternoon I give her the keys and then she, without myknowledge, lent my truck to her boyfriend who then went off-roading. When he returned they went out clubbing, again in my truck, and were detained around 2:30 AM for DUI and trying to resist arrest (boyfriend tried to make a run for it and got caught). Truck was impounded, I was called to bail them out of jail, and then I was called insensitive (amongst other things) when I asked for money to get the truck out ofimpound AND for gas money to fill it up.

2007-10-27T14:25:00.000-07:00

Staci. She sucked me dry while she was broke but still got a tattoo, pregnant (3rd time!!!), a digital camera, and went to Disney with her husband, kids and in-laws knowing full well that they were going to declare bankruptcy when they returned. Oh, did I mention she didn’t make a house payment for over a year yet kept her house cleaner! Psycho!! Just couldn’t keep swallowing the madness!!

2007-10-26T12:23:00.000-07:00

Karen.* My former wife who cheated--and bought a bunch of crap for her boyfriend using my credit card.

2007-10-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

Kevin. A guy who slept with my girlfriend before he came out of the closet.

2007-10-26T11:05:00.000-07:00

Chris. Nasty son-of-a bitch who turned on me during my divorce by making light of the problems it caused my children. I should have punched him.